


Hold Onto Me

by Pearl_Unplanned



Series: Cap_Ironman Bingo 2016 (1) [16]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholic Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cap_Ironman Bingo, Dark, Depressed Steve Rogers, Depressed Tony Stark, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, Stony Bingo, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Unplanned/pseuds/Pearl_Unplanned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>	The blond looked at him like he had two heads. "Really? Thanks. You're not even going to try to talk me off the edge."</i>
</p>
<p><i>"How can I? You've already made up your mind. The issue is, you're in my spot, because this is where </i>I<i> go to contemplate suicide," Tony muttered. It wasn't fair. He'd been planning on sitting here tonight, teetering on the edge, seeing if he'd actually work up the courage to let go of the metal bars that were keeping him alive. But no, he couldn't even do that, because here Steve was, in pain, suffering, and it didn't feel like it was worth it anymore.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Onto Me

**Author's Note:**

> tw: suicidal thoughts/actions

 

            "Just hold on," Tony shouted. The metal was biting into his right hand as he held onto the bars. He wasn't sure how long his grip would be able to hold. His left arm was strained, clammy hand wrapped firmly around the boney wrist of the man who'd just managed to throw himself off of a building. Those thin fingers were digging into his wrist, too, with a will to live that the young man hadn't been showing just minutes before.

            Sweat ran down his forehead, and he could taste blood in his mouth from where he'd bit his lip. This was just about the worst situation he could imagine himself in. Well, not the _complete_ worst, seeing that he had a great hold on a very handsome blond man, but things would be much better if they weren't hanging off the side of the building.

            "Please," the man choked out, tears streaming down his face. By now Tony wasn't sure if he meant _please let go_ or _please save me_. Darkness blurred the edges of his vision as Tony tried to pull the man back up. Damn alcohol was messing with his brain, making him dizzy.

            He couldn't drop this man. He wasn't allowed to slip, or loosen his grip, or lose his footing, or—

            He had to save Steve.

            _"Come on, buddy. The edge isn't the place where you want to be standing," Tony tried to reason, though how could he really say that? He was being such a hypocrite, telling this man not to jump when only minutes earlier he'd been considering doing the same thing._

_He was a drunk. He'd managed to destroy every single relationship that he'd had by either drinking, acting like a total ass, being a playboy, or all-around just having a shitty personality. Every time that he tried to keep someone close, he was too clingy. Every time he wanted space, he was ignoring them. Every woman he'd been with broke his heart, because he cared too much, too soon. He owned a company that manufactured weapons to_ kill _people. And it was his fault, because he created the bigger, better weapons._

_Following in his father's footsteps was the worst decision that he'd ever made. Drowning himself in booze, trying not to feel these harsh emotions that were just too clear, to consuming..._

_The edge of the building looked so nice on some nights. He came up here often, if not just to imagine how flying might feel._

_It wasn't like some people didn't get to experience it. Those who were able to act_ completely _selflessly were rewarded. Everyone was 'born with wings,' invisible ones that could only become tangible through acts of true selflessness._

_That's why so few people had them._

            "Don't let go," Tony insisted. Here he was, hanging off the side of a building, still not sober enough, but not ready to give up. It would be so easy to just let go, let them both fall together, just as they'd both wanted to do. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it enough. He _had_. And this man obviously had too. He'd just been too scared, too much of a coward to ever think about doing something so horrible. Was it really horrible, if it got rid of suffering?

            Because he wasn't the only one suffering from his own existence. Pepper would be able to run the business far better than he could. She put up with the drinking, the women, the good days and the bad ones. But she didn't have to. It was making her miserable. Rhodey worried about him. The stress was no good for the man, who was already having enough trouble in the military. That was stressful enough. All Tony did was escalate that stress.

            Obie had betrayed him, his parents had abandoned him with death, Jarvis was gone, too, of old age, Aunt Peggy had lost her mind, Happy could have a better job than driving him around everywhere, and no one actually _liked_ him. No one got enjoyment from him being alive.

            But this man... This man might thank him for this. Steve might be glad, one day, that he hadn't just let him fall to his death. He might be glad that he didn't die that miserable night.

            That's why Tony didn't let go.

            _"Leave me alone," the blond man said. His legs were hanging over the edge. The young man had already hopped the bars that were meant to keep people from falling off. The issue was that between the bars and the edge, there wasn't a lot of room, which meant that of he was to just let go of those bars and lean forward a little bit..._

_"I come here often," Tony said as cautiously as he could. The familiar urges weren't what was welling up inside him. No, this time it was fear. Him jumping was one thing, but this guy? He climbed over the bars to take a seat beside the young man._

_His blond hair fell in his face. His whole body seemed to have that almost-too-thin look, like he needed more food than he was getting. Despite that, though, his face was so handsome that it took Tony's breath away. He didn't know why this guy was here, but his only thought was,_ how could someone so beautiful be so sad?

_"What brings you here? You don't look like you're here to look at the skyline," Tony said. The depressed-looking blond glanced over at him with an unamused face._

_"What do you want? Can't you just let me...?” He gulped and glanced over the edge._

_"It's a long way down," Tony commented. Maybe he could get this guy to go back to the other side, and not sit here on the edge. It was making him very uncomfortable._

_"If you're here to stop me, leave. And if not... just please, leave," the guy said miserably. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "I don't need an audience."_

_"Just tell me one thing," Tony said. "How does someone like you end up somewhere like this?"_

            "Tony," Steve gasped, eyes wide as he blinked away the tears. "Please... you can't pull us both up." His voice cracked. "Just let me go."

            It was heartbreaking to hear the pain in his voice as he said that, the pure and utter defeat. He sounded like he was ready to give up, like there was nothing left for him to live for. He sounded like Tony felt, but that didn't mean that he was going to just let go and let him fall.

            "If you go, I go," Tony said through gritted teeth. He was too stubborn to give up. It was the one good thing he'd inherited from his father. "That's how this is going to work."

            "No, that's not fair," Steve cried, and Tony felt his grip loosen as he cried. In response, he made sure to tighten his grip so that Steve knew just how much he wasn't going to let go. "Tony, stop! Please, I don't want to kill you. Why couldn't you have just walked away? Why couldn't you have just let me _go?_ "

            "Because I can't sit here and watch you kill yourself, that's why," Tony growled, pulling with all of his might. The blond may not have been more than a hundred pounds, but Tony wasn't exactly the strongest guy ever, especially after the night he'd had, drinking until he couldn't drink anymore. He was dizzy, he wanted to puke, but above all, he wanted to see Steve on the other side of that safety rail. "Grab my arm, both hands. I'm going to need all the help I can get."

            Seeing those tears, streaking down Steve's face, was painful. Those eyes, his damaged soul in the depths... He looked so _done_.

            _"What does it matter?" Tony pointed out. "If you're just going to jump and let it all be over, then why not tell me about yourself? At least one person would know the story, the reason. Unless you don't have any reasons. Why, do you think your reasons aren't good enough?"_

_The blond glared at him, a defiantly. It was hard not to find that angry look adorable. "Of course I've got reasons! It's not like people just come up here to contemplate_ dying _for no reason at all."_

_The blond was quiet for a while, so Tony said, "I'm Tony. Can I at least get a name?"_

_"Steve," he mumbled, sighing. "Why are_ you _here?"_

_"I drink, I poison myself a little more, and I think about ending it," Tony said nonchalantly, shrugging like it didn't mean a thing. "What's to live for when you've got no friends, no parents, and everyone hates you?"_

_"...Right?" Steve said, and it hurt to think that this guy felt the same way as he did. "My father died when I was a kid... Ma's had cancer for years, just passed away a few months ago. I can't keep a steady job due to how sick I get far too often. I'm the most pathetic-looking guy in the city..." The tears spilled from his eyes as he whispered, "My brother was just killed in action this morning. Just got the phone call... I can't get drunk enough. No friends, no family, everyone keeps dying... Half the time I feel like I'm lying in bed dying anyway."_

_"I'm sorry," Tony said after a moment. He didn't know_ what _to say to someone who'd just lost someone they loved. His brother? That must've been rough._

_"He was the only thing I had to live for," Steve whispered, and his shoulders shook as he cried. "I just got the phone call... They wanted to tell me in person, but I wasn't home. God, he was supposed to be home in a couple weeks!" A wet sob shook him, and Tony couldn't help but put an arm around his shoulders to keep him from falling off the edge. "I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone that I love dies, and I can't do a thing about it."_

_Steve laughed bitterly. "It's not like I'm going to live much longer either. The difference is that no one's going to be around to miss me."_

            Their eyes met, and for a moment, Tony thought that the defeated look was never going to leave Steve's eyes. The blond surprised him though. There was a fierce look on his face as he swung his other arm around, managing to grasp Tony's wrist. His arm burned like Steve was trying to light it on fire, because _wow_ that was painful, to be having a man hanging off his arm and off of a building. It was awful, but he wasn't going to let go. He couldn't let Steve fall.

            "I've got you," Tony murmured, biting his lip until it bled as he tried his best to pull Steve up to the roof again. "I can do this... We'll be okay."

            "I don't want you to die," Steve insisted. He actually looked scared now. The pain was gone for the moment, with only fear remaining. He didn't like seeing Steve looking so scared. He didn't _know_ Steve, and yet it still made him hurt inside.

            He could do this. He could save Steve. If only he was just a little bit stronger, a little bit better, a little bit _more_...

            _"That's... Actually, you know, if I had your life I'd want to die, too," Tony admitted._

_The blond looked at him like he had two heads. "Really? Thanks. You're not even going to try to talk me off the edge."_

_"How can I? You've already made up your mind. The issue is, you're in my spot, because this is where_ I _go to contemplate suicide," Tony muttered. It wasn't fair. He'd been planning on sitting here tonight, teetering on the edge, seeing if he'd actually work up the courage to let go of the metal bars that were keeping him alive. But no, he couldn't even do that, because here Steve was, in pain, suffering, and it didn't feel like it was worth it anymore._

_"What if I asked you out to get some coffee? I could use something to sober me up, and coffee is usually pretty good at that," Tony said, trying to see if he'd be able to help. Maybe, just maybe..._

_"No. I've made up my mind," Steve said. He sounded so sure of himself that Tony kind of admired his strength. Sure, the strength was pointed in the_ wrong _direction, but..._

_He pushed himself to his feet, legs shaking. He looked even skinnier standing, and Tony was a little amazed that this guy looked even shorter than him. Huh. He rocked forward and backward on his heels, taking a couple deep breaths. When he opened his eyes, Tony could see his courage._

_Steve's fingers uncurled from the railing as he stepped forward onto thin air. Tony's arm flashed out to grab at Steve's wrist before he could disappear forever._

            "I don't know if I can hold on," Tony gasped, feeling the tears start to burn at his eyes. His vision was blurry, his arm felt like it was on fire, and yet he'd never felt so light before. He felt like he was part of the air, part of the dying light of the night. He'd never felt so alive, just on the brink of death.

            "Please, let me go. Don't make me the reason why you're dead too. I don't... I don't want that, Tony, I don't," Steve cried.

            His hands felt cold and sweaty. What if he lost his grip? What if he failed someone who he was trying to save? He couldn't do that. He couldn't fail. Tony screamed out in pain as he tried his best to pull Steve back to the roof. His muscles ached. He'd never felt so tired in his entire life.

            He'd never felt so strong either.

            In that moment, Steve felt just as light as the air as he did. Pulling the broken man up into his arms was easier than ever before. He kept both arms around the man, holding him tight, pressing his face to Steve's shoulder. Steve cried against his chest in relief, trembling hands reaching up to gently cup his face.

            "Tony, you..." His eyes were wide, but instead of finishing what he was saying, he just threw himself back into Tony's arms, curling up against him. Tony held the stranger, feathers soft as rays of sunlight, light as the gentle wind, kept both wrapped in a safe cocoon on the top of a quiet building as darkness overtook the city.

            He'd never felt so happy in his whole life.


End file.
